the very familiar plain settings of the posting window that i am now typing on.
it brings back lotsa memories. it's true. how i lament and complain, joke and feeling disdain.
it's like talkin to an old friend again.

lets see uh
i think i missed out on lotsa events here.
but so what.it's just as well.
it kinda makes me less analytical about stuffs that are happening
i dun have to stop and look back.i'll be more on the ball this way.

which kinda concludes this whole entry. not that it's an essay of an entry anws hahaha
dayum.i see no purpose already.
should i go on wooooooooooooo


maybe someone should make a blog for the hoods.
who happy feel like blogging the blog there uh.
it's much more interactive that way.
i think im passed the stage of diary kinda thingy.
that's it i think! the reason why i read ppl's blog!
a peek into their diary! that's why i was a pest!
i always feel the thrill to read my sister's diary last time..hahah


and that scrapbook idea that chewy mentioned.that'll be neat.



thanks for still visitin the blog sia guys
so sweet.hahah

ok ok.
new day.
new dawn.
new year.
new lungs.
new bunks, trunks and skunks.

im so needed that alex is coming all the way here just to learn the mutu maji.

so wheres my laksa.


supergrass..please give me the power to survive this term.
thanks i s magazine.

it's been a year already.
365 days.










miss u mom.

i'll let u guys in on a lil screamer.

my dad said if this rain is gonna continue for 3 more days( tt'll be 5 days straight) then
something bad is gonna happen.


personally i feel quite blessed that we're greeting the holidays with such a weather
lavished with comfy beds and pillows and blankeys in our nice little room in our nice little comfy clothes....then when u think of the homeless and the poor..oh man.

so next time please donate and do charity and pray there'll be lesser poverty and frugal people.
=)


i freakin loss the old chatterbox and there, the new one...damn.


those with slippers please walk carefully..slippery
and this is a good time to use all those winter clothes that we keep deep in the closet yo
and dun step on the snails ok

lalalala

greetings.


yea, i dont think i'll feel the same way about this whole damn thing
if it wont be from the back up i get from the hoods.
such unconditional loving. yikes.

i thought yonglian was really cool when he talked abt those things.

anws i think im still cutting my hair. i dun wanna bug wang pheck hoon
she said the directors will chase her etc. since i like her i'll do as she says..

okay..it's so not cool that elijah lost my walkman cover la..
the whole thing feels naked now

milton please be ok soon.

we need more new tunes eh

it's fun to play with vannessa hahah sounds wrong

oh and chalet's coming, awesome! hope i will have enuff money till then

oh..and then there's the chicken rice im buying yangxu jiuyuan and van

i feel like lookin at the kaleidascope now
nice right chewy=)

so..........
what's life like now eh?..

i just feel like
im in a washing mashine
tumbling up and down my nice comfy clothes
still dun see the direction yet
yet to touch earth still.. abt school la.

feel so cliche
schs and exams
the teachers are damn cool though..kenneth sheh
tsk, i lost that sense of learning experience
lucky i have some really nice classmates though, yea

maybe i have to stop comin home late everytime?
brain says i should do something abt final exams
it's like damn scary

i still wanna go to the zoo and beach and watch movie though
disposable income..haha..





anyways..
how are youdoing

i wake up
it's a bad dream
no one on my side
i was fighting
but i just feel too tired to be fighting
guess im not the fighting typeee

1.03am
fast one.

first time.meddle with christmas tree.fun cip.damn tiring.cute kids.sad coz they say "dun lie ure not coming back".alot of mei mei play 1 2 3 jump! with me as if i got metal back.i kena called molester.diaozing ceremony.then damn nice friends.van jiuyuan yangxu went back to take hp with me.careless i was(standard..sorry mak)yangxu was like damn sweating and he still ran back with me.like sprint.but for fun.damn rock and roll.he even lend me ezlink.so, treat dinner one fine day.pow gig.love the hoodlums.crowd=thehoodlums.the cramp in my back and leg seem to dissipate ba.damncool.thank you everyone, u guys are the best.damn hungry havent had dinner.1 week plus nv eat at home.serious.tonight came home to eat, coz theres always food at night but i end sleeping coz too tired,then today so chun no food in the kitchen.maggie is nice.chicken flavour.
tmr milton match must watch.8am at dover.then chill a bit at sentosa.then MUST STUDY.NEXT WEEK EXAM PLEASE.ok.goodnight.



no we never talk

sitting and staring at the blank
do not come home late for you have just lost your wife do not lose your daughters and sons
extend you arm to the ones u want love, do not push in the name of love
do not think too far, do not think of not thinking too far

wishing for a pill, would be nice to make me forget
for going away so long, tearing alone sometimes cannot be fun
having no money, feeling rich as ever with friends, who needs money
do no belittle money for it will belittle you

promise once.
promise once.


have fun..but the work..remember to get it done.
a new house you have. may it be your sweet humble abode.
so tell me, if i dun do anything and just sit and sigh
will anyone come?
if anyone should come, should i feel good about myself
isnt that being narrowminded
if so then why do the mind keep thinking of attention
keep thinkin of companion
keep thinkin of the perished home..


we dun feel home anymore.
i dun want to close the eyes and try to think of home.
cause when i open them, it's still just the box.


it's okay if u dun feel right.
i'd rather make u feel alright and remain here in my plight.

i do not say the things i mean
im bad at doing what i preach
i preach what other should do


i do respect you
but tell me, do you really think i do?


ok so the world will keep spinning
but dun u think i need someone to scold me
i dun think i will let just anyone scold me
scolding is good for the heart.


if u didnt scold me, i wouldnt have grown to understand fear.
fear is nothing without you.
but now without you, i fear you're still watching.
because of your scolding, i still fear, fear.

now that they want us.
there's something that is of certain value what we are doing
wasting money and time to trash the crash
wasting time and money to burn friendship and sticks
creating buzz from fruit shop
creating money from writing in notebooks

fitting in angry lines and and fake agendas
lookin cool and feeling high
just seem to cut it for this messed up spirit

you dun even know what youre writing
it's just a space
a space where ppl come and see
and think, and deduce and evaluate
they will then have things to say





what if i dunno what i feel yet.
think emotionally.
what if i dunno what i want yet.
think realistically.
what if there's no reason to do things anymore.



but that's not right is it?
without the wrong, it's sometimes hard to see the right.
why did you even bother being right.
but isnt being wrong something right too.







needs are,
spa.
time.
decide on something.
real people like irving
more sun and sand and sea
take me to the other side.
no more secrets.
give all the shows you can give.



i think of you everytime mom.

ownnnageeeeeeee


absentism.
that's the name of the game as of late.
but hey. it is only from absentism, that you know the meaning of presence.

so ive been like absent from school for that whole week
it was the raya week
and haha never get MC. (ownded)
hahaha

ok.
thus far we got ourselves some neat schedule=)
this friday sp audition
sunday gashaus
friday pow
yea.

talkin bout raya. i seriously have nothing to talk about. not to mention the really pathetic
total collection ( $14 ) diaozzing ceremony..

and.
i havent seek forgiveness from my brothers and sisters..
it just isnt the same with you mom~


--------


oh well
heaps of assignments awaiting.
like so long never touch tutorials.
ppl in class look haggard as days pass.
it's like those faces u see in labour intensive factories..sad.


oh man.just now went jammin with jiuyuan,zhengjie,yangxu,yonglian.
damn screwed uh. hahahahaahah
but i think it was a smarter choice compared to sitting thru stats lecture
not that i have anything against ken kwan..hehehe he got good fashion sense ba.


i need drum key.
drum sling bag.
what else uh.

okay..

have a nice day humanoids~

dioazing ceremony.

today is THursday and it's the third of my ponteng this week.
how do i feel?
sucks uh. i can imagine the workloads sia. the lectures that i missed out
some 5% test. tutorials i havent touched. "so looking forward" to weekends..
ya. sick la. really..haha



damn.



now feel like skippin tmr also.
and im not really feelin that fine anws.
next week confirm go=D



next gig 5 nov ok?
okay.

to all that have supported and cheered for us. tsk tsk..


cant be thanked enough.
=)))


i guess we'll keep playing and be better as a form of gratitude to you guys~


what a night~

hello.

ive learnt aplenty about transexuality today.
and i think it's like, sad.
it's like one of life's tragedies. but that's life.

as short as possible,
transexuality is in fact a birth defect.
ure born into a body which is opp of ur sex. ( girl brain, boy body )
and it happens.
so it;s not like they wanna be gay or lesbians.
they hormonal imbalance naturally made them do the things they do.

so they grow up in a body opposite of their sex.
imagine u cant explain why u just cant mix with the guys and you would rather
sit with girls and play with dolls.
or say to hell with nails lets cut my pony tail and play some soccer.
and sometimes it's really very mentally AND physically tormenting ( the ah gua kena beat up )

so uh.
i went to this site la ( it's a CD project for monday, but im not gg to sch, im sick -.- )

read the poems and read the comic strip.
it's quite something.
better not be haste in saying the wrong things abt ppl now..~

I've always wanted to be female

and give my identity for sale.

I've never felt like a boy -

playing with dolls instead of army toys.

I've searched for explanations the whole day,

just dreaming and not listening to what my parents wanted to say.

I've worn the clothes of my sister and my mother,

but they've never seen the pain from which I suffered.

Just being the first day at school,

there were others who made the rules.

As I entered the class: all eyes on my.

Didn't believe what they've obviously seen:

I've just worn what I always wore,

but I already heard their laughter standing in front of the door.

WIthout any make-up - my mother's idea.

Just going into the class with kind of fear.

"alamat!!"





he keeps saying ALAMAT when i still tell him it's ALAMAK not ALAMAT..hahah!

i still can put it my head that my friend has just passed away.
he's 18.



he's always been nice to me.
i only remember him gettin angry once.


you're in the land of the free now.
this is space is for you man
rest in peace Bryson.

treasure your friends guys.

ok .
so my bro and i are gonna leave for lim chu kang like we always would on sundays,
well this sunday at least.
like the last 2 weeks i didnt go-.-

i think it was the gashaus.

so before i got early today
i had a dream.
i was walkin to sp. and i took a short cut.
first i passed this void deck
but i think it had stereos on the ceiliing
coz i heard power 98
and then they were playing lumberjack
then aft playin the dj said
"that was the nerves and they're on a roll here" or something like tt
then i think i was late for school
coz i stopped to listen to how we sound on the radio
ironically there wasnt ppl around
and..aft that i carry on walkin to the shortcut
i cant really recall but it was thru like some jungle
and it was scary. looks like clarence lane with PSI 180 at dusk.





















you've forgotten me forgotten you forgotten me forgotten you've forgotten me

tee heee

i think my mind's now like in uh..like train mode like hyper articulated mode that kind.

tee hee

then i just felt like spitting it out everything here la
hahha

k wait
erm
when i jaywalked from the bus stop opp my house ( i think i nv use the bridge, yea even when it's raining )
i recalled that time when i was in gan eng seng uniform
then skali after i cross right
i walked towards my house there la
skali got one lady gestured me to come towards her
i thought what sia
skali she's a teacher from queenstown sec then i kena reprimanded sia
but short while oni uh
then she asked me i from what school
then i said queensway...hahahahaha! woo!
i think aloy was with me uh hahaha
i think she bought it, know why? coz our uniform same..outram also..diaozing ceremony-.-

hahah ok
i went ps with leopard just now
i think i spent too much. i think im over the budget liaoz.
must not spend anymore can annot uh... diaozing ceremony-.-
i bought like..a shirt for finals, carol's birthday gift, jet cd..sial uh
cannot spend anymore understand...but maybe need la for jamming;)

what else uh
i got this character development proj that i need to do uh with a grp
our topic is like...sex. it is sex uh walan.
then they want something NEW. learn something new.
sial uh..like the audience are like..us.. what DONT they know about sex right..
diaozing ceremony-.-
sumore need to make a game outtaf it sia related to topicccc
and the ironic part abt this is that, the teacher stipulated; no explicit contents
diaozing ceremony-.- ( everyone say diaozing~ diaozing~)
what fun is there about sex if you dont explicify it right
sianz ji pa puay, see if can ask for some leeway..

what else uh
friday got test i want get A
i just taught my bro maths sia..so uber weird can
he's like takin Os uh this year, i hope im a good enough help sia
it's so sick to relive the Os period again la..

i think he's gonna help me run my engine even more ( my brain )
coz he's gonna ask me qns then i'll be like recallin and stuffs
yea..v good for my goal for this semester
it's gonna condition my performance
so i can steer towards my achievement
hahahaha all that sounds so... diaozy hahaha

jet album no lyrics
diaozing ceremony...


okay..
i have to find a good reason to strike a conversation with thee
need a good timing.. damn.

a few more days to macdogol ( 20/10. 11pm - 1am, lido )
a few more days to zoo ( 25/10. 6pm, zouk.need tickets eh..)
fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!


so fun v long never blog hahaha.. D C!

hello=)


she gets pete and not tad hamilton woo!
u know when it's true it's true~

...ha.. what ive been doing..


http://www.imagestation.com/album/pictures.html?id=2101268298


http://www.imagestation.com/album/pictures.html?id=2101224716



4
4
4
4
4
4
4
4
4
4
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hey guys =)

what's new?
well, coupla' things.
im keepin it short though.


do support us k? The Nerves =)
http://www.power98.com.sg/pages/power_jam.php
we're in semis. then uh..it's free! just let us see ur faces and
we'll have some fun! =))
I THINK it's 30th sept 2 pm, organisers not so efficient, till now no email-.-


a little gig.Music Mania.
www.gashaus.com
1st oct, 2pm - till late.
*$10, uh..inclusive of free soft drink. haha
it's like so ex, and i hate the smell of the place.
till now we dunno what time is our half hour slot-.-


oh i am an islander now~
ooooh yeeeah~ oooh yeaaah yeeah yeaah~
yeeeaaah iyeeah~
a shame a whole full month will be taken by the fasting month
haha!



my sis cooks the best hokkien mee!!
im so very proud of her
i wish my wife can cook hokkien mee for me...oh wife~


sch's gonna start=)
and so will Ramadhan.

mambo loves jumbo
the toes loves the sand
we played joga bonito
and we got tanned




well.. yea
still havent find anything much to be busy with
just the usual domestic tasks though
sure it looks as if a whirlwind pass thru
the hall, the room AND the kitchen EVERYMORNING
but then again, without mr whirlwind,
i'd have even lesser things to do.



sianz.
just waiting for friday thenn..






saturday last day leyyyyyyyyyyy
quickkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk








"aio, aio, aio"
=)

like liking a hot spoon

what a bummer; was looking forward to it very much


what should i do


yknow tt helpless sittin in the well unanswered and unwanted kinda feeling
it sucks like a spoilt...fries..

who wants to eat fries with me?

i got qn number 2.

Life. .. . .












..miss you mom~

1. i cutted hair.
2. wishing for another bbq gathering where the people are merry and takin pic with humans such as naomi and elijah seems a necessity.
3. keepin mind focus for exam
4. "Sinar Asnah" the commence~ the humble beginnings would be a more fruitful one if anyone of you would wanna visit my family's stall. nasi lemak and bee hoon goreng=) power ok!
5. Lumberjack, session 2.
6. To KILL VERMIN AT SIGHT.
7. still dont know goals in life.
8. still missing mumsy.
9. hating the drift.
10. exam exam exam
11. feet still not on the ground..

future! future! think of the future guys!
do now what's for later, and dont do later for what's now.



and for confusing you with that,
i find a cheap sense of accomplishment and feel a tinge of
esteem and a little better about life.

the humour..~



nah. dont want it to end like that.

i wanna live life. yea..~

alrighty~

ladies and gents, pardon my absence.
i have been facing a lack of time and the enthu to blog like how i used to.
probably due to o;iadad[\ and some ohaspduspa9du that's been going on
during the time when i was off from blogging.

anws..
i have to say.
the play, KALEIDASCOPE was totally off the hook.
i mean..yea sure i know how the whole thing's gonna end.
but man was it great.
special mention; farah, vivvy, sheean and naomi.
u guys were ah ah ah awesome~

uh..poly..left 2 more papers. then uh..holiday? i think.
damn i think im on the verge on retaining uh.
dude...~




it sucks.

how is it like to live like this?
im in the the roundabout of resonance.
i hear only echoes of myself.
i tried so hard to breakthrough,
but breakthough didnt even try to break me.
it's the point of aimlessness. it's the point of self righteousness, also.
i fear not unpredictability.i fear not uncertainty.
i only flinch at these times of your needed presence.
the reason im here is nearing bleak.
the fire is only rekindled still without a reason.
a new person.
she could be a reason.
still i have to make it on my own.
some pride in myself.
name of family i will never shelf.
im still breathing, heart still beating.
lay low my black spirit.
burn strong.
my power will tremble you.
live on.

hello friends=)


how's it going? =)


hehehhee.. ghay.

hey.

since no one's chattin with me now that im online i might as well be bloggin.
strange how ppl only wanna chat with me when my icon is left busy. trick..

i think fer this one, i wanna talk abt my pri sch friends..

hmm..i dunno howta start.
but right now i just feel that im gettin sick n tired of keepin
my pri sch friends together somehow.
i remember feeling so enthu abt organising outings with fellow mcps
but i think the situation is such that..
everyone is growing older and away from old friends.
how sad is that?
i dunno.... what can i say.. everyone is really busy with their newfound life.
not that it's a bad thing. but it's kinda sad in a way.
or am i just too loyal for nothing.
i really am smiling when i think of primary sch, and the people there.


do you all?


i have 2 primary sch PE shirt. and i told myself, i wanna frame them up
when im older and too big for the shirt. (yes i can still fit in them hahah!)
ha..abit dumb i know.
but i cant help put place sentimentality tops sometimes..
and i find it irritating at times. sigh.


allow me to whine.

213
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ah well.
it's not so bad.
i still got a few im close with! willy wonka. chewy panda just to mention some..
sabbiemomo, she's busy always=(
roZ
amir..

haaiya. no mood to think of these anymore la. sian.
i support holland, u all ley?

greetings humanoids =)

hee


let's see..
it's abt half hour past twilight
and the sky's crimson red

the cements are wet and the grass are glossy green
and that song playing by carpenters is setting my heart agleam =)


There's A Kind Of Hush, it's called.

"the only sound that you will hear, is when i whisper in your ears i love you~"

oh man that's so.....sweet.
don't it make you wanna fall in love.. hehehe
it's that unfathomable feel oldies insinuates. it's one of a kind i tell ya.
esp in this cool and wet and dark night. makes me wanna
snuggle up with somebody really comfy.


aww man. this mood is overpowering.
i gotta go! hehehe..


it's a little gay buy hey! it's love! know what i mean? =)

today's post was aroused by the phrase; u learn something new everyday.


tell me... is that true for u?
ask me..is that true for me?

what did u do today? did u break outtaf yer routine or perhaps break ur nail
and made new discoveries? like why apek keep their nails on the last finger really long?
why they wanna keep up there, in their nose, fer so long, in the public, rotating at very complex
motion, at every angle humanly possible, that even a flea's egg couldnt escape the carnage?

well... we are all amazed, bewildered by new discoveries. haa... the wonders of life..

blog: oi..so long nv blog

syaq: oh..ya la..tired siak..

blog: trick..

syaq: yknow what..i still am, in holiday mood

blog: trick..

syaq: sial uh..really siak..erm..maybe not really la

blog: trick..

syaq: but uh..siak uh i think all my test all fail siak, i seriously didnt bother studying

blog: uh? power la..continue uh like that

syaq: ... thanks uh babe

blog: ya la..u must wake up sia..ur future is at stake. all A's for a place in the u rmbr?

syaq: sial uh..i nv aim untill so far siak..i this type of person..dun have the calibre la..

blog: trick..

syaq: really la..sial uh..my presentation tt time i kena tongue tied..cheap thrill bodoh~

blog: baikpunye technique..

syaq: sad sia. i felt so uhh...sumtin towards keith. coz he wanted it to be perfect sia. If i didn;t know better. i'd say he's a perfectionist.

but aiya..no la.. and damn it..i cant seem to find the right words to say these days..

i think it's my brain..

blog: trick..

syaq: aiya..i have to go collect money from office..n..the cheque thing..so tiring..

blog: woo! ching ching!

syaq: ya la..im so bored of money siak. haiz..

blog: you're in a 3 yr course stdying HOW TO MAKE MONEY!

syaq: trick..

blog: ahh..amek kau obat.

syaq: uh huh..

blog: uh huh kepale otak kau berjambul.

syaq: sial uh. i read keith's blog. and it's bursting with loneliness la. he so sad siak that boy. mm..he was talkin abt how ppl are gonna forget his birthday again. im gonna buy him something la. later. tired siak. k la. i dun wanan talk to u anymore.

i miss my mom.

blog: trick..

blog: ooh..feisty.

today's friday. im with the hoodloms once again.
we just lack the few others kachuaks
it's still chillin we are

and thanks to technological advancement
the birth of the laptop
has given the possibility of bloggin in mobile~


i am physically exhausted.
mentally right now, i cant wait for the movie later.
i hope my..eye..they can be kept open. tralala

daily occupation as an sp student
has been rather pleasent i must say
being the clown and social moth
has its glam
ahaaaaaaa...yea...


so amusing to hear keith laugh
free food from yvonne
ride to sch with maisie
constant jieeeee jiee chants
tralala with tiff *)

tests and presentations are bottle neckin though
and it's makin me look like a lazy...lampost.
and some really imcompetant........bible.
yea.

yea..



i want cable car now..
:(
R

hello humanoids

i dun wanna apologise for not bloggin
coz i dun feel sorry
i dun feel apologetic
why? not happy uh?
go smoke weed uh

ya la.

so yea.
farah made my blog sounds so important
so here i am doing the least to not waste her breath
hmmmmmmmmmmm

yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
i feelin liek cycling to tiong
i want my large fries chewy
when the hell u gettin ur pay siak

i cant wait la ..
i smsed elijah to go there with me
then he said he's at marsiling
why am i typing all these?
it's so boring
like when im old then i read back
oh.. okay la
quite interesting. ok.

ya..
so im now chattin with carissa also
im askin her to join us next friday
haha
will be fun to be in tt awkward moment
she'll be all paiseh n stuff
cheap thrill dokkk

aiya..
so many hmwrk la my course
chau chin chau..

k k
im listening to the cd devina gave me before leaving to
australia
hahaha im listening to it only now siak
ok uh..nice sophomore indo songs

hiaz
this is still boring la
but hey farah will read this piece of wasted
internet space

hey it's a gd thing to have a fan
i mean..
micheal jackson can keep on being a fag
n ppl will still love him
like me! hahaha
i love mj la.

yea.
so who wanna be our bassist?

im using nokia 3310
power punye phone..
power skodok
skojel skopong skongel


oh man my dad's eldest bro
just hand in an invitation letter to me
tts..kinda weird..ok
wedding invitation.
ha..someone's gettin married again.
so tiring.
so tiring.

--> to marry. u need money.
need money? work. need work? need to school clever clever.
need school? more money
then when u marry need more money for babies house etc.

wow i cant wait to get married.
not.


hmm..what else..

ya la.. i want fries..im hungry la
oh yea..but this morning i was craving for pizza.
hmm..

just gimme my fries la

hey guysss! haha..forgive me for the absence.

it's been a ride e past few weeks.
mainly me gettin into sp.

if u guys are wonderin! yeaP, im lovin in~ pa da pap pap paP~
gyeaH!

im waxing my hair now..
even if i do got stuffs to blog abt , this sticky fingers are makin this
a lil tricky

hmm..what should i say now?

i can go school in anything i want~ hahaa!
sp rocks my holey socks la
any kachuack would agree with me la..

nuff said bout sp

mm..
dadio's gettin me the new sony walkman end of mnth
like...finally im gonna have a MP3 laaa woO!
no more singing to myself in the public ;)

yea...how's everyone been uh..
i always see sabbie''s post got msn script, but i never see her online?
trick..

leemel change his blog address sia hahahaha..alamak trick la..haha
wonder if he still reads mine, if u do! pls return me my mom's phone..thx=)

hmm..who else is like alien..

oh yea..charmainee , gonna call her soon.yeaP

hweehwee.how many pimples she has now hahaa

kkk..i lazy to think liaoz..
im off to sch..~

miss u guys like kidnapped teddy bear~

BreadTalk CEO's been caught for drivin under e influence of alcohol!
hahahaha

yea! ma ma ma baby!
yea! ma ma ma gerl~
yea ma ma ma baby~
u'll never rule e earth!

this aint a real worlD
it aint a f****in thiNG~


aikidoaidko!
peaCE oUT~*

hi mak..

can i see u for a minute
lackin mommy; lacking me
tmr ppl gonna come
they're gonna talk abt how great u are
even more in my heart
the best there'll ever be
i can still feel ur heart

inside
inside
i feel like weepin all the time
ure the type tt could even move mountains
mindful with they ways
expert in your way
missing your ways

if i were to fall into a pit of darkness
i know u'll be there with the rope
the rope u found at the tallest mountain
the rope u'll find no matter what
the rope u'll get even if it kills u

and when u get me out
u'll scold
scold me like u've never scold anyone in your entire life
how i'd feel like the worst human on the planet
and how u'd still say u love us
and how's say all tt u so is for us
how you cry while saying tt
how you want us all to be together
how u said tt is enough to make you the happiest one ever lived

you are that and so many more
many more
it's been hundred days
the numbers they keep going
ur smell they keep coming
i keep thinking
they keep coming
im still takin this hard
im still takin this bad

stay with me
let me see you in my dreams
stay with me

remember~

hey you guys.

thanks fer still readin this blog, even though it's like branded; procrastinating.

im not a really consistent person. in fact, not at all.
sad to say, but things i do usually are driven predominantly by my mood

but hey! im bloggin now~

paths.
tts what i wanna blog abt.

mm.i got work tmr n i have to be up by 0645
so im makin it brief.

path im in.
sp. business. totally wasnt what i wanted.
reason i got tt as a choice was cause mom wanted so much a family business.

mm.cant complain much..

next.
im back to baseball..or am i?
the thing is, it's been like 4 yrs since i last played. like intensively.
wholeheartedly kinda thing.

now im just too cynical. being e fact tt it takes 2 dollars plus n like an hour just to get there n back every training. and i can't pitch as well anymore. and im getting much too dark. my bro says so and kai hwee also. like..bad reaction from them. n i think so too. and it's on every saturday..i mean..jammin is so much better.
so im thinkin of quitting....again.

i've signed up fer the yamaha drum course.
can't wait fer it to start.
corrected by milton, who's gonna be in the course with me, the class is
startin may 06..not next week.. haha
excitement.like..euphoria.

siti mardhiah, couldnt get into the singapore youth flyin club cause
she was 2 cm shy the requisite height.
she'll be cursin me if she reads this.
anws. she told me i could still hold on to my dream of bein a pilot..
the turn off is..there's an awful lot of malay boys n there'll be an interview
and the training ground is like...at seletar..like far can.
but i dunno what to decide still esp thinkin of the sayin
if there's a WILL that's a way
i've always wanna be a pilot..but i feel so less motivated now..sheesh

yes..
paths..
which should i walk into..


think i'll walk right up to the bed now
after i tear the freakin cable car tickets! and throw it it away!
={

i just woke up.

i had this dream. we were in a stadium, performing. it's a stadium gig.

then everything went so well, they wanted an encore.
aft that encore, i did a drum solo.
i remembered the drum kit havein a really huge cymbal.
like the first of its kind to ever be used.
and it was really a crowd pleaser.


then outtaf the sudden.
i was in a prison. but with my drum inside the cell with me.
and i was still playing..and playing..till i realised i've got a beard
which was already white and long enough for it to be entangled in the stick.
then it was really weird.
there were alot of reporters just at the other side of the bar
saying something like "you were too much, the kids went wild"
then there was this talkin head. talkin with the reporters.
and it was like defending me giving smart answers.
then i shouted like "ey, that head is smart!"
then it replied, "better than gettin myself in the tin can"


i was like, kena tricked. then it was over.


now what the hell was that?

dont you all see, i can roar like a lion and jump like a flea?
talking is the game and please, only i can be the queen of lame
i can sing, no it's not a trick, i hear and play by the sound of music
end ur search if ure looking for a star, coz here u are, i am farah~

no i dun read lime or elle, coz im just me, im michelle
oh it's me, xue er is the name! and you oughta know u lame brain!
i wasnt careful with the milk, so off with the stare and that silly smirk
unless you wanna be but another, victim to my dearest brother~

look world,i've got something to show, it's the ever beautiful rainbow!
and look at me glow! see? told you im not emo~
i see you lookin at me funny, hey` enough with the bulky already!
but it's okay la, im cousins with gothika, that's why im alyssa~

im in my corner, drowned in fear and terror.
im sure someone's following, dun think im blind to your stalking
im slippin away from my mind again, sweatin faster than a crazy train
all that seclusion, was but a trip to asphyxiation
all that exile, was but a sanity trial
i need some place, a utopia, anything to escape this paranoia~




well these are some more poems requested..
yea.. =^7

hey hi ppl..

this week's kinda rough..
u know those things that hurts deep inside one..


but oh well
i decided to make me feel better by being a poet that i am =)

just gimme a topic and u 'll get ur poem =P

here are some i worked out;

i feel cold i feel bare there's nothing else which compares...but im just lonely in a whole, for im but an asshole~


im a maid im a singer i live with a flinger, im really nobody compared to her~


twisting and dancing, hoping and wishing, oh cant u see babe my heart is sinking?~


i just wanna caress you, feel you, for you give me something like from up above, let's just make love~


naomi oh naomi, you are but a love wrecker, but oh god please drain all the pain away, all back to her~


i lost my keys, let the tigers free, i really dunno how to flirt coz im just an idiot~


there's no room for me to fit, there's just rotten meat, for they are intoxicated with fear, im a lonely tiger..~


sleek sharp and well define, oh cutey baby ure all mine. they know nothing , they must be handicapped, but oh boy in my heart is where you are kept~


the stars is what you're all about, those eyes they dazzle makes my heart shout. come and kiss me by the riverside, coz you are all i need to see through my plight. know that you are my cinderalla, my one and only joana~


make it split make it jello, i just love these fruits of yellow. make sure you carefully throw them skins away, coz it'll hard to brag for father's day...~


those are so far i've written for the ppl
want urs yet? =P

remember watching shows with ppl trying to jump? suicide?


so yesterday right, i actually saw one, in real life. i mean. wow~

but it wasnt uh..v ultimate la, according to most suicidal cases.
he was only at the 8th floor.
and he would have jumped if he wanted to.
coz it took about 2 hrs plus before his attention seekin act got rounded up by the CDs
it was a pretty cool scene. they had this huge inflatable one the ground level.
i was sinfully wishing he's take the plunge. but oh well.

it's a sad thing actually.

i live in blk 133. this happened 13 march = 13 3
see?
freaky.

anws i wanna apologise to farah chewy elijah kaiwei coz i abruptly left
our conversation just to go see what happened
and barefooted at that haha.

wonder where is sabrina nvr see her online



this friday night till sunrise bodoh! lumberjack woo!

so..
when i have a toilet of my own,
i wanna have plenty of sunlight beeming through the windows
it has a sub urban feel to it
there's a need for a bathtub

and in the walls
somewhere below the knee level
i'd install a very dim light
so when there's no more sunlight
it'll be but a feintly lit bathroom in the night...how sensuous~

im here to write abt how ***ky today is



actually i didnt wanna post la
but im here already
and i have nth to do except for just scowling to "fuck the world" - the vines

it such a......................bitch
this feeling. haa i nv use that word de
oh well this is a smooth entry so it'll be smooth

im feeling like shit bcoz
im hungry
n im alone
n eli's posting was unsuccessful
and jamming's cancelled coz the eqpmnt is spoilt ( i broke the drum )
and dad's going overseas to work
and my aunt say im fat
and i didnt get into the freakin course
i got into some shitass business course
why god..im already not that smart..y wont u just gimme that course..
i only want that one..nvm tt im ugly n stuff
i just want that course..please
i telegraphted this anws..
i knew i woulndt be accepted
my last straw to humanity would be a rec letter from mr low
help me god
help me mom
mom it'll be a hundred days this 4th of april
it's so quick
sorry i disappoint u mom
i thought i'll be in aero myself
im a sorry person now
but gimme strength
i need to fight for the course upon appealing



help. ='(

hi mom..






be seein ya soon.
hv been thinkin bout u.



take care mom. b..ye.

each of us has got a diff background n diff styles.. diff ideas and diff tastes..
diff ways and diff personalities.. but we gotta stick together till the day we diE~~

coz it feels fuckin gd to be together like this....!!!! tt auntie thinks so too!






the nerves.

one day on my way to school with my rusty(trusty) old bike
i terperanjat bcoz i spotted a flasher. unlucky me.
he was wearin a really thick nerd spects and was awaiting his "prey"


anws he was as good as nude that stupid son of a..trash(my eyes!! they burn!!)
much to his surprise of course
his first "prey" was a a diff species, a male. me.
like a disgustin slimy..thing
that abhorish humanoid squirmed before pulling up his pants
then fleeing off, makin a sickly exit with his lardy stomach quackin like an evil hypnosis

while all of these took place, there was a girl walkin towards
i was tied between warning the girl or chasing that stupid flasher
i tot since im with a bike im sure to catch em later, so i told the girl to take a diff route
but damn i let that disgusting toad got away....






damn u.....damn ...u..
i'll cut off ur dick!!

what does this all mean........................................................
can u see sabrina there thereeeeeeeeeeeeeeee in between the 2 yellow shirts trick...

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yo!

yesterday was tiring la
it was the fundorama at acjc
eli n i cycled there, n we took the highway!(illegal)


damn crowded la,
but found sabbie's stall in the end
i ordered 2 ramly la, chicken n fish
i think fish nicer
she thought i was so so nice coz i keep buyin
but actually i was only hungry haaha
her cheeks were all reddish n stuff haha
oh no i think she's hot!

anws, it was raining
and so my shirt kena dirty water n sand haiz..
haha n was 'tompang'ing chewy
she thought it was v entertaining
her first bike adventure..haha so sad..woo!

that's that.

i was thinkin
we should really have our own space to jam.(the nerves)
like i told chewy i need 10 yrs to do that.
i need to learn how to mute the room.
$$$$$$$$ to buy sound eqmpts, mics amps etc
then drums..
then im sure we can write a hundred songs
n that everyone can express their ideas freely
rather then bein constricted by time limit
n everynight will be a heck of a night
ppl come come in for live performance at 5 lollar each
and those who wanna rent..well..dun think we should rent!
later abis all the eqmpts spoil la

yes. we need our own space.
then we can hone our skills there.
then we'll be tighter, like never before
so the next time if there's a recording it'll be so much easier
and hey we'll never get bored
or think of where to go if there's no where else to go


but dunno if my brudder will be for it
i think ..dad's gonna sell the house..altho i love the house so much..
maybe dad can help me out~
mom?...dun worry mom i wont forget my studies..!


so lee, will ,what say u?
what say u ppl?

it's been awhile uh~

mm im makin this as short as possible
coz i wanna be cleaning my NEW OLD Bike! haa
it's my dad's boss' son's bike, the guy got too busy
and it is fortunately, in my possession now, woo!
the bike's abt 4 yrs old, and he hasnt been using it fer abt a year or so
so it's kinda rusty n dusty

anws this baby cupid's day was really something la
so at midnight( 14 feb, 00:00), i met up with shi chang
like any other bf, he was planning to " surpirse" his gf
plan: cycle to her home, lining lighter fluid into a heart shape and set it aflame.quite a spectacle.

n yknow he didnt have a bike so he had to borrow his friend's
but, the key to the locker broke! so chang HAD TO agree to get him a new locker,
after breakin the old one that is.
and it was mad.

here's the mad part,
we took an hour gnawing at that damn locker
i mean, we havent even started cycling and we already have sweaty necks.
with only my mom's garden cutter and some pliers chang "found" from some drawer nearby
we were quite desperate.
the locker was made up of 10, 5 52 strands of copper, pervertically intertwined!
i tell u, im not sure if getting caught, or the opening of the the elevator door every 10 mins (by itself) ,
or running away at every footsteps heard , was most scary. it was a weird...thing.

of course due to our strength ( mostly mine=P )
and chang's power of love, hahaa
we got it snapped! yayness.
and it wasnt easy.

k then when we reached pasir panjang( his gf's place)
we got "chased away".. sad la this part
she said her parents will kill her and bla bla bla
so then we cycled back home, chang's plan concluded in futility.
i would've wished his gf would just peek outtaf the window or sumtin like that
coz it was really disappointing!
we ended up playing the the lighter fluid by ourselves la..haha


n the best part was
reaching home at arnd 3 in the morning
i realised i forgot to bring my house key
everyone have only a few hours left before they wake up and leave me (haiz..) for work
so i really didnt wanna wake them up.
the moon was full n pretty that night
so i lie on the bench outside my house the size of half my body, just staring at it
nice..but body aching la ahh..
i was awoken by the TODAY newspaper guy ahah
it was quite embarressing..


then then the next episode of a disappointing story
was me cycling round holland with a box of roche,
just to cycle back home with it, hahaa.
gave my sister at last.
this pretty much sums up the week;
my ass is in pain, but all is in vain~

so what's new pussycat?

kids these days ( like u and me ) are gettin more and more
accustomed to the world of cyber.

i assure u this is not a half past ten statement.
just look at yourself, readin on my blog. (im glad u did heee)
i mean, we really are like..condonning ourselves
to the habit of sittin in front of the com, just killing time.

of course utilisation of the pc has very broad aspects
and that it's the blueprint of the human advancement
and they really help ppl make big bucks
but that's beside the point.

im just underlining the underlying adverse effects it has on us~
don't u think...
we feel more confident and comfortable communicating with one another
thru msn?
don't u think...
friends u chat with online are so totally different from the way they talk in real life? like..where did all the lolx' go to?
don't u think...
saying out stuffs like 'dot dot dot' in a real life conversation is really a dumb way to fill up the momentary pauses?
don't u think...
i wouldn't have put all these words so nicely if im talkin in real life?
get the picture my dear cyber friends?

hmm..im not sure if i should condemn this fully
but to a certain level i do feel a tinge negative bout this trend
im not sayin this in a way im bitchin abt it
im just highlighting it
and would be amused to find out your cyber opinions!(who knws, u might not say the same thing to me face2face?)

i dunno..i think talkin face to face is fun!
i mean..u can make faces and they'll laugh ( if u have face like me that is )
and u dun have to type a really long clever joke ( like this one ) for them to just reply with a modest..."lol"
coz i know i really prefer hehehe and hahaha alot more!

im sure u guys catch the wave now~

"that's not funny yknow?"

i mean...there couldnt be a much more indiscriminate way to show your dim-wittedness
than to start off with that line with ME. especially when u have me falsely accussed.
if there were to be a gd way to get me pissed, that would be it.

and i cant believe that came from a grown up. an adult. with a child mind you.

here's the deal, eli and i were walkin around, and i took lots of pic of stuff eg;sign boards, dome, trash bin, tress
and in the list of 'stuffs' i took didnt include ppl in it. which mean i didnt take pics of human beings.

so then were at this traffic light. i got bored waiting for the green man, so i decided
hey i might as well get a pic of us 2 since i havent snapped us.
so i held out the camera in front of us, with the camera facing us (duhhh)
out of the freakin blue, this adult couple with a child, came up to me and said that
stupid line ; "that's not funny yknow?"

how would u feel being posed with that qn, w/o any reason or rhyme?
so then i started with the most polite way i could, with a tinge of irritation on my face
"huh? what's not funny? i dun understand what u're talkin abt?" (not so polite aft all, it was a bad day..)

dim wit adult lady with daughter: "u think it's funny? u better delete that picture, do u know it's very rude?"
while sayin this, she looked really fucky.

dim wit adult lady's husband: "it's not funny, let me see the picture"
also while adding on to his wife's nonsensicality, he looked fuckly.

while givin the adult lady a phuckface "what pictures? what are u talkin abt? "

stupid lady : "that picture u took" (even a fuckier face by now)

with an even more irritated face "what pictures do u think i took? i didnt take pictures of you ppl! " (she really thought she was hot...i mean..liang po po is hotter..)

superstupid lady: "i didnt say u took pictures of us!" ( like what the fuck u say this for?)

i was up to my head. but then i tot, they;re too egoistic and dense to listen to me
so i showed them the gallery in my digicam.

while scrolling thru the pics " there, u see? no ppl, only things "

now at this point of time, a normal , sane adult being would seriously be embarressed and a little apologetic.
but NO. not this one.
he gave this WTF look and said, " oh i hope so "

then i widen my eyes and look em in the eye and said " no no, it IS so "
and then i didnt wanna look at them.

so..who's the funny one now?
even funnier part is that this all happened in front of the supreme court
....
anws, besides that
the point is adults like them should be banished from the face of earth
they are like so....disgusting
it's so easy to abhore them, to loathe them
i feel so sorry for the daughter.

then on the way home i got so really pissed
eli was telling me to forget bout it like 4 times
they totally ruined my day

and today..
i went to bukit merah library to settle the fines
then i was told only cashcard and ezlink may be used to pay the fines
....
i have no cashcard. n my ez link is spoilt.
so i went to the library just to come home.
...why..



oh mom
if u were still here
u would show that face and start cursing them stupid idoits
then i'll feel so much better havin someone to share

then
u'd show me that pathetic face
and say nvm to me today for makin the wasted trip

hope ure readin this mom

hoi hoi hoi

gong xi fa cai

hong bao na na na na na na na na na na laaaai~~


ok.i wanted to celebrate cny.really.
coz both hari raya, n hari raya haji sucked
then again im not so...
ah...what's it called that word...

just recently my eldest bro wanted me to join him
for this dragon boat thing
every sat, at 3 pm
n i wasnt thinkin far i just said, yea sure
now im not so sure if i wanna burn my sat aftn ridin sampan with a dragon head
i gave em my particualrs anws..im like registered.
ergh

and then i got this sms from a friend
askin me to join this marathon kinda thing
dunno what saf thing
then got prize money
and stuff...yknow
sun sweat and all that jazz
then he like..wants a yes or a no fer me today
and im still undecided la


i just have this really huge lazy bone.
im not sure where
but it's in me fer sure.

anws im really x 11
bored.
bein at home alone is kinda cool sometimes.
but then when it happens more than often
then u'll go a lil gaga
and do embarrasing stuffs like..
~ eh tmr u fundorama thing right ~
~not that's like next next next week ~
im so....................funny.
ha.anws.sorrie i called fer nth sabbie. erg






next saturday recording.
make it gd.

the numbness, the effigie-lookalike, ergo..The Nerves



it's sometimes best just to be natural=)...although i risk looking a bit like a gerly guy..

mum im sick
i want u to wet the towel and put it on my forehead like u always do


mum i got flu and fever
my nose v itchy my throat v dry
mom u use to come by to my bed when everyone else is asleep, just to check me
and u'd be puttin ur hand on my forehead and then off u go to the kitchen to get me
a glass of water..
that's u mom..the greatest woman in my life


and i know u said guys shouldnt cry too much
but i really really really miss u mom









it was vivvy's birthday party yesterday
elijah was suppose to go with me
and he said he feels sick so he wanted to stay home intead
i mean, i was already feeling unwell myself but it's the poor girl's birthday party
and she like invited us elijah..
anws, as if that didnt suck enuff
i forgot to bring vivvy's present along with me............trademark me.
luckily matt agreed to accompany me to the party
so i thought he'd bring the present for me
then it turned out , he cant find my present..
haa...

anyways, the party was fun
there were alot of small people ( kids )
and there was this little boy so cutee
i carried him first then all the girls wanted a piece of him ( of course he sticks to me )
then everyone was like askin his name and stuff
tried asking in both chinese and english
but little do they know it's a japanse boy...haha

and we played near the pool and stuff
of course i got wet
and got even sicker
coz there were like air con
ice cream and stuff

then when i got home i got really sick
then i wondered if i shouldve just did what elijah did
it's much more cleverer
i mean now im sick and i feel so...like...miserable
haiz


anws, we ( the nerves ) are lookin forward to this friday
our song is finally gonna be recorded
it's called Butterfly, it's a lil sophomore compared to out other songs
cant wait~

and hey, eli got the third place booked for us mansssss
tmr it is, 530pm
be there or be squaree!




...panadol please

i really wanted to blog , but then..i think i forgot what i wanted to blog..

im really forgetful..
right mom? yea..

for instance, now that the ez link can no more have bus concession..(damn)
i have to tap in twice, one for entry and the other's for exit, and that, is much too perplexing for
my brain to understand. coz i forgot to tap when i alight.

then, this morning awoken by my sis' call, i was to heat up the chicken soup and
put in some carrots and stuff.. i told myself i'll heat it up before taking a shower
so i ignited the fire, went to the shower. (love shower)
so then i left the bathroom, and the soup heating...

there are so many incidents to show my carelessness and forgetfullness and whateverness la..
but i just...forgot what they were.
ok.


mak!!............................................mak
uve been visiting my dream quite often mumsy=)))
woo!!